I had a GREAT day at school. Everything was great, great, great. Until the car ride home from the museum. GAH!! Here’s the basic conversation between my dear mother and I. Well, where the problem started, at least.
Mom: Where’s Melissa?
Me: Uh…I think at an internship at UW…
Mom: What about you? Why don’t you ever do these kinds of things? Why do Suki and Melissa do all these things?
Me: Because they have ambition.
Mom: It’s not about ambition. -lalalla…forgot, but she’s complaining-
Me: Yeah, it is. I have no ambition.
Mom: What are you gonna do, then? You need these things for your college applications. Are you gonna be a bum?
Me: It’s a slight possibility.
*screams, curses, breaks everything, injures herself, pulls hair, gets imaginary razor*
It might not seem bad to you. But it was HELL. I think I go through this shit every time one of my good, achieving friends does something amazing, like an internship. FUCK THIS. I’m sick of it. I know, I’m a good student when I think about it and I enjoy basically doing nothing. But, damn, this is effing high school! I’m lucky not to be a druggy/alcoholic. It’s lucky for them that I don’t cause these problems for the family or fail everything.
I know that this is getting ranty. But obviously, I can’t scream or break everything in my room (which I really feel like doing). I mean, I already threw my phone at the ground (but it’s still okay, don’t worry). And I know that my mom’s pressuring me because she cares for me and my future. I know. But I’m still a damn teenager. I’m supposed to be like this! And some asians have it waaay worse than I do. I’m lucky, I know. I’ve been gifted with many things like being an only child, having all that I do, being an okay student. I’m just a freaking selfish kid. Can you blame me?
I’m just always in the middle, you know? I mean, in academics and school. Like in the SAT. I’m smarter than like 50 something percent of my grade. In the middle. For an asian, I’m really, really dumb. And I want to improve myself and I try SO hard but I’m not succeeding. And in math, I’m retarded, I swear. I have a D right now. My best isn’t good enough. And Language Arts is dumb too. I just suck. I suck eggs and am a giant freaking loser.
Why can’t I be good at math and writing (like Jane Schaffer style)? Why am I good at such stupid stuff? Japanese and art is shit compared to that. What’s a good job knowing a language? ARTISTS ARE POOR, AND I’M NEVER GONNA GET FAMOUS. It’s USELESS. I AM USELESS WITH THESE SKILLS. USELESS!!!!
Ahh, screw this. I have homework to do…
I’m gonna be a bum. It’s decided. Internship?
1 Comment
04/08/2008 at 3:26 AM
itsokay ally.
you’re better than 50% of the other people who WILL become bums.
though maybe you should do something this summer then?
and do u need math tutoring? =/
i mean i know you get the stuff, it’s just the quizzes right?
and uh, knowing a language really well is something to be envious of, really. i envy you. i took french for 4+ years and where does that get me?
yes petit fromage. CHEESE. *takes imaginary razor away from you*
maybe just find soemthing you’re interested in. art? you could be a gallery owner. study interior design. you’re neat. you could be a professional like..neat person doer..i dont know the name now, but they exist i swear.
anyways.
i hope you feel better.
i know how your mom feels but i don’t think that she should be too worried about you becoming a bum in the future. and plus in high school, there’s not much a selection of classes so i doubt you’ll know what to do with your future because you don’t know what you wanna be when you grow up blah blah.
teenagers don’t have to decide yet.
kaykaybaaiibaai.
btw. shawn kissed me today. oh ho ho. it was sweet. (not fruity due to starburst ingestion like *coughseankimcough*) but. it was one of those. sweet. first kisses that i’ve always imagined having but never had cuz american boys are horny as shit. ah hahaha.
feel better.
*biiiiiig hug*
^^<3